Fears of loss are usually not recognized as such. Unfortunately. If they were recognized, something could be done about it.
Fear accompanies us through life. It is, so to speak, a gift from 'nature'. What 'nature' gives us is the tool to deal with this fear constructively: experience, reason, self-knowledge and above all love, the opposite of fear.
Love is the right medicine for fear. It drives out fear. Unfortunately, we often don't know love well enough. Those who have access to biblical faith and who have come to know our Creator as a loving Father have a strong advantage in this regard.
There is no argument against real love. It's the most outstanding component of a relationship
What is fear of loss?
The fear of loss is often related to oneself. This can be shown by being afraid __
not being enough for the partner
not attractive enough, not interesting and lovable enough
others would get more than me (jealousy)
others would deceive or betray or take advantage of me
in front of other 'competitors', which can lead to control behavior
Losing my partner, which can make me deny my own interests.
Not every flower can receive the same amount of sunlight
How do fears of loss arise?
Fear of loss can arise due to corresponding experiences of loss. Such experiences can become trauma, the earlier children experience such loss. Such experiences can be:
Disputes and subsequent separation of parents
neglect by one or both parents
Deaths of loved ones, as well as animals
Insecurity in family relationship structure
The latter should be explained somewhat: children recognize their mother and father at an early age as the source of the satisfaction of security and security. If this source does not work, either due to absence or neglect, this can traumatize the child - it feels rejected and experiences a lack of care, which can later lead to feelings of inferiority and fear of loss up to depression.
When the heart is left in the cold __
Fear of loss and fear of commitment
It is understandable that someone who is afraid of losing a relationship may no longer want to be in a relationship. This risk is then too great. This resulting fear is called attachment fear. It is a frequent companion of the fear of loss. The experience of building trust in people and allowing closeness must first be learned in such a case.
Dealing with fear of loss
Although the experiences made as a child can be very deep, if you are interested in quality of life you should do something about it. It is important that one can recognize this fear as such. If you see this knowledge as a challenge, then therapy or a conscious handling of these fears can help to reduce the level of suffering and to rethink.
In order to deal with fear of loss, it makes sense to deal with any childhood trauma, to improve your own self-image and to work on "letting go", for example with mindfulness exercises. In this way, fear of loss can be overcome and a full life can be lived with less fear and close relationships.
Here are important steps:
Reflection, recognizing connections, coming to terms with the past, processing it positively, that is real gain
1. Recognize fear of loss
As I said. Many do not even know that their bad feelings or difficult behaviors are due to fear of loss. Excessive clinging to caregivers, mistrust, jealousy and the need to control point to this fact. But the opposite can also be the case: a fear of attachment can lead to distancing, hostility and aloofness. 'Self-knowledge is the best way to get better!'
2. Find the causes
It takes courage and determination to find the reasons. You either look for it alone or with the help of psychotherapy. The journey to childhood or later experiences is exciting. It is about as an adult to reassess the experiences made and to get on the track of the actual circumstances, the 'truth'. Because truth always makes you free!
3. Redefine your own identity
Self-esteem
Fear of loss is usually associated with, or is caused by, very poor self-esteem. If important caregivers fail, the feeling of worthlessness, of being unloved and not being welcomed quickly creeps in. The resulting deep self-worth should be reworked and defined. More on that later.
Recognizing yourself as unique, as unique, with talents and gifts, appreciating and accepting your own decision-making power and humanity with limits and potential, that is what defines self-worth.
Accept boundaries and allow good things
Overworking and being taken advantage of is not an acceptable option. Deliberately take time out to do what is good for you - it can be a regular evening with a bath, a good book, something delicious to eat, an exciting hobby or workshop or later maybe even a wellness weekend or Vacation. The experience of relaxation and successful self-awareness promotes healing. He who can love himself can also love his partner.
4. Replace negative thoughts with positive ones
Bad thoughts about yourself, about others, about the past and the future, weaken self-worth. These negative thoughts should be interrupted and replaced with positive, grateful and kind ones. The search for positive thoughts can be supported with valuable literature, Bible reading, prayer and dealing with positive people.
What I personally appreciate very much is working through my collection of Bible verses and quotes from wise people that are important to me every morning and evening (mostly in bed) piece by piece. That gives me a positive boost every time.
After the analysis, the decision to change follows, step by step towards a better life situation
5. Decision on continuous improvement
Train by train ... it is a path that takes strength and determination. If you decide to work on this topic and move on, strive for balance, then I would add: don't give up. Trust someone who can help you along the way and who wants to support you in a positive way.
