Are You also an HSP?

It is said that 15-20% of all people are highly sensitive (HSP). In one way, high sensitivity is a kind of brilliance, but in another way it is also limiting. As an HSP, it is beneficial to understand the beauty of this gift as well as its limitations. Awareness is the first step on the way to a higher quality of life.

General Characteristics

Can you identify with some of these situations?

• Whenever you are sleeping away from home and a clock can be heard ticking, you have to get out of bed and stop the clock from ticking.
• Your eyes see more than others. Your peripheral attention reaches simultaneously from the far right to the far left. No mosquito escapes your scrutiny.
• Certain aromas put you in the mood; others drive you to distraction.
• Your skin does not tolerate every touch. Contact with certain materials and substances are impossible to bear.
• When you are hungry, you have to do something about it: either now, or immediately.

You’ve been there:  Sometimes there are situations in life when you ask yourself: ‘Why am I the way I am?’ Those are important opportunities to get a little closer to the truth. In the case of HSPs, a large portion is due to heredity, but is also influenced by the way they were raised.

Definition

High Sensitivity (also oversensitivity) describes a psychological and neurophysiological phenomenon.

High sensitivity can be defined as acute physical, mental, and emotional responses to external (social, environmental) or internal (intra-personal) stimuli. A highly sensitive person may be an introvert, an extrovert, or somewhere in between.

According Dr. Elaine Aron, “the highly sensitive person (HSP) has a sensitive nervous system, is aware of subtleties in his/her surroundings, and is more easily overwhelmed when in a highly stimulating environment.” HSPs are more aware of details in their surroundings, process them more comprehensively and react correspondingly with more intensity than the average individual. Until now there is no clear-cut and generally accepted neuroscientific definition of the phenomenon of high sensitivity. Neuroscientists attribute this circumstance to the fact that research in the area of high sensitivity is still in the early stages of development.

Feelings and Experiences Go Deeper

In HSPs, practically every impression of the senses can be felt with more intensity and in more detail. A higher intensity of awareness of moods in surrounding individuals is also often reported. HSPs often recognize themselves as more comprehensive and thorough in their analytic skills with a tendency toward spirituality.

Highly sensitive people often “feel too much” and “feel too deeply.” Thus, stimuli are generally remembered with more intensity and emotion. The manifestations of these feelings are often mistaken for nervousness and excitability, though the presence of these two traits is not necessarily a criterion for high sensitivity.

Characteristics of HSPs

According to Psychology Today, the following characteristics are often observed in highly sensitive people:

Category One: Sensitivity About Oneself

1. Often has difficulty letting go of negative thoughts and emotions

2. Frequently feels physical symptoms (i.e. stress or headache) when something unpleasant happens during the day

3. Often has bad days that affect eating and/or sleeping habits in an unhealthy way, such as eating or sleeping too much or too little

4. Often experiences tension or anxiety. 

5. Tends to “beat oneself up” when falling short of own expectations

6. Is afraid of rejection, even in relatively minor situations

7. Compares self with others often (in physical, relational, social, work, financial, or other scenarios), and experiences unhappy feelings from negative social comparisons    

8. Often feels anger or resentment about situations in life or in society which seem unjust, aggravating, or simply annoying

Category Two: Sensitivity About Others

1. Often thinks/worries about what others are thinking
2. Tends to take things personally
3. Finds it difficult, when triggered by relatively small unpleasantnesses with people, to just “let it go”
4. Feels hurt easily
5. Often hides negative feelings, believing they are too strong, turbulent, embarrassing or vulnerable to share; keeps a lot of negative emotions inside
6. Alternatively, often discusses negative emotions with others because there’s a lot of “drama” in one’s life
7. Has a hard time accepting critical feedback, even when it's given reasonably and constructively
8. Often feels like people are judgmental, even when there’s no strong evidence
9. Often overreacts to real or perceived slights and provocations
10. Often feels awkward in group situations and feels unable to be oneself
11. Feels self-conscious in romantically intimate situations; excessively worries about partner’s approval; is unreasonably afraid of being judged or rejected by partner

Category Three: Sensitivity About One’s Environment

1. Feels uncomfortable in large public crowds, in a room full of people talking, or when too many things are occurring simultaneously
2. Feels uncomfortable when exposed to bright lights, loud sounds, or certain strong scents
3. Startles easily at sudden noises, fast traffic, or other unpleasant surprises
4. Often feels upset when watching or reading negative news in the media. Dislikes “shock” entertainment (i.e. intensely scary or violent shows)
5. Often feels unhappy when following people’s posts on social media

Some more Characteristics

• an especially finely tuned perception (many-faceted fantasy and thought processes)
• higher sensitivity to pain
• greater awareness for details
• highly enthusiastic, multilateral in interests
• high sense of responsibility, very conscientious
• pronounced long term memory
• fine psychosocial perception (sensitivities, moods and emotions of others are quickly recognized, including details)
• easily influenced by the moods of others
• strongly intuitive
• simultaneous recognition, combination and processing of many details in a given situation
• long emotional „afterglow“ of experiences
• ability to grasp the bigger picture
• pronounced altruism (selflessness), sense of justice, strong sense of values
• strong need for harmony and a desire for independence
• experiences art and music deeply
• tendency to critique oneself and to perfectionism
• usually a many-faceted, complex and stable personality

Living in the age of information is challenging for many people, especially for HSPs. In order to avoid becoming a victim of the flood, they must learn to set hard, fast and hopefully reasonable boundaries.

The Five Senses of HSPs

The following situations can be observed:

Hearing

o ticking clocks are unbearably distracting
o someone snoring causes misery
o hearing repetitive sounds is torture
o hearing music through walls or someone else’s headphones is disturbing
o all these attention-getters, seen as constant advertising, is over-stimulating
o loud discussions cause discomfort

Smell

o odors can be very irritating (strong perfume)
o stores with certain aromas can be repulsive
o HSPs don’t eat everything: they are a bit finicky

Touch

o their skin is sensitive to sunlight
o certain fabrics are extremely uncomfortable                                                             
o when the skin is touched in a careful way, touch is appreciated

Sight

o bright lights must be avoided, if possible
o they sleep best in the dark
o 80% of all stimulation occurs through the eyes. Blinders can be helpful for relaxation.

Taste

o HSPs can have strong reactions to alcohol and caffeine – a little goes a long way!
o Regular meals are paramount, because hunger is not a good option
o They have definite culinary preferences

One place where HSPs feel well and at peace is outdoors. The more, the better. This peaceful, quiet, fascinating bouquet of natural colors can bring troubled hearts back into balance. HSPs especially enjoy these benefits at Sonnmatt for relaxation and regeneration.

HSPs and Relationships

Relationships are a special gift for HSPs and at the same time they can be challenging. The strong emotional ties and passion experienced can lead to disappointments at times, which can be painful. HSPs want their partners to make them happy and can easily forget that happiness must flow from within, that is by giving instead of taking.

If they always expect others to make them happy, they can never become happy. In the matter of passing the buck for their lack of happiness, they are true professionals. Because they are highly sensitive, they can take things personally when they get off balance. They expect complete happiness in their relationships, not realizing that happiness is not a gift, but must be worked for.

Common Reactions

HSPs often withdraw from their very active world of relationships. They love being alone and are quite content with themselves. They use this time to process the flood of information received.

When HSPs enter a group, they can feel the mood. They feel drawn to other HSPs. 'Normal' people can seem boring to them, because the conversation just doesn’t go deeply enough for them.

Sensitivity is also experienced in sexuality. HSPs need patient and compassionate partners in order to enjoy a fulfilling sex life.  Life with a mature HSP will never be boring.

Tips for HSPs

1. Use your uniqueness as a blessing for your community.
2. Your qualities of charity and empathy can do a lot of good in the world.
3. Once in a while, take time to think about your expectations toward your nearest loved ones.
4. Keep stimuli under control – breaks can be helpful.
5. Don’t plan every minute; take time to be alone.
6. You need at least one free day a week and well-spaced vacations.
7. Accept your limits and also your uniqueness.
8. You have special access to God’s love – a wonderful opportunity to let yourself be healed.
9. Don’t forget: Forgiveness is a characteristic of a high quality life!
10. Self-reflection is a key for growth and maturation.

Tips for Living with HSPs

1. Accept and enjoy the difference.
2. Be careful not to try to manipulate or give them orders.
3. Speak softly.
4. Enjoy and profit from their creativity.
5. Give clear signals – transparency in communication can facilitate associations.
6. When you need advice, an HSP can usually help.
7. When a call for justice is acutely manifested, it is better to let him have his or her way than to hurt his or her feelings.

HSP TEST

If you would like to find out how sensitive you are, you can click on this link:  TEST

By the way, there are also about 100 species of animals that are recognized as highly sensitive. Most of them are privileged to live in the beautiful out-of-doors. Maybe that’s a hint that it’s time to go for a hike in the mountains? You’re welcome to come and try out our beautiful mountains in eastern Switzerland!

From Man to Woman

Understand the man's world - certainly unique - interesting - rewarding - and not impossible!

Dear Lady - Reader

if I allow myself to address a few words to you and to the ladies in general, then it happens with a somewhat queasy feeling. Because how am I supposed to be able to represent the whole men. Not possible. How about a little insight anyway:

First of all, I have to ask for your understanding for us men, as we did not find the best conditions in society and culture that would have made us really strong, responsible, incorruptible and purposeful men. And if it is still successful, then it is thanks to the respective mothers and fathers who did not go along with these postmodern trends, but instead incorporated deep Christian values ​​into their upbringing.

Nevertheless, there are many men who strive, contrary to every fashion trend, to get on the track of the real values ​​of a family, a marriage, a happy community. Such men differ from those who unfortunately mostly make their women unhappy with a low level of empathy and often not consciously and deliberately.

Carefully explore your partner's potential and sensitivity.

It corresponds to a tendency of men that they have a tendency towards generosity, understanding and kindness. They are instinctively ready to 'die' for their wives and children - let's just think of a ship disaster where the women and children would be saved first ...

Men have the quality of being cognitively gifted. This means that the left hemisphere of the brain has to be supplied with more blood, while the right, emotionally charged side is less developed. Each side has its strength and importance. The cognitive, abstract, rational side should give an advantage when it comes to decisions, e.g. which car should we buy or which house should we buy etc.

Men want to be 'cool'. Keep in mind that a lot of guys are willing to buy pants that don't cover what it's meant to be just to be cool. Not what is beautiful is fashion, but what is fashion is beautiful! Let's just think of today's holey jeans, which are also worn by women! Be that as it may - we men sacrifice a lot in order to gain acceptance and the necessary respect.

Excessive willingness to take risks speaks against itself. Performance is important in our performance society. Try to appreciate it in a balanced way

Acceptance:

Actually, acceptance is important for everyone. But for us men this is extremely important, as our position (status) within society is an essential issue. We want to build good foundations for a family with training, career and further education. Most of the time, the parents exert appropriate pressure so that their son can withstand the demands of society. Then the purchase of the first car, as early as possible, so that one can be 'in'. Without the necessary appreciation, a boy degenerates into insignificance. It could be the wrong job, the wrong partner, problematic decisions up to an addiction to pleasure or drug use of all kinds. It's a shame.

Respect:

Before a man can get the respect he needs, he has to make huge investments. Many men never get the attention they deserve. Unfortunately. That weakens the whole society. Without the basis of respect, men lose their hold and cannot reach their potential.

If you are in a relationship, then I can really advise you to be smart about this because there is the highest potential. Attention and respect is the name of the code word that releases strength and energy in men, which helps women and families to develop positively.

The honor guard - discipline, performance, commitment, commitment, but also respect. Remember, not all men are created equal!

How can you behave respectfully as a woman?

If you do your research on this, you won't have insoluble problems with the male world. Here are a few examples that should work most of the time:

• Ask your husband the questions that are important to you.

• Mirror your own reactions. Words can hurt a lot without you wanting to and noticing it yourself. Many women do not question what effect their emotional outbursts and nagging have on the man. This extremely unfavorable behavior leads to the construction of the wall for most men. You have to protect yourself. They either flee or start to ignore. That is not a good thing and it ultimately leads to a dead end - to use a nice word.

• If you feel that something has gone wrong, immediately seek contact and consensus so that the wall does not go up. The men tend to approach you less often. Unfortunately.

• Give your husband enough responsibility sometimes even when you think you would be better at it. Use your sensitivity to collect important points here.

Let the father be important, help develop a mature father image, in all of the important decision-making processes and responsibilities in parenting. If the fathers are interested, then it can result in great teamwork. Together we are strong, stronger than any spoiled child.

Many men can do more than they are expected to be if only encouraged and encouraged.

Tip: Don't let your husband see his mother in you! There is a natural tendency for the man, based on his early programmed soul system, to choose the woman who will remind him of his mother. That may still be good. But many mothers are too caring and have missed leading their son into mature self-employment. In this case, the man does not need to be pampered, but a mature affection that lets him catch up on what has been missed. In your own interest, it is sometimes worth investing here.

In any case, appreciate what your partner brings to the relationship and encourage them. We all need this!

What Not to Do: NEVER hurt or humiliate your husband in front of other people. The more important these are, the worse for him. Don't do it either if he's not there. ONLY talk good about him. Hopefully he will do the same to you.

Book recommendation: LOVE & RESPECT Emmerson Eggerichs

Do you have any questions or comments?